It’s about eleven o’clock at night and I am burnt out. I’m literally googling “What should I do with my life”. The typical stuff comes up. “Do what you love doing” or “Find passion in something that brings you joy”. I mean those are all really great things, but seriously they weren’t helping. And hello, I still needed to make an income. Like seriously, why is it so dang hard to get clear on what you want in life?
I also know that I can’t be alone in this search because it’s actually a pretty popular search on Google. Along with things like “What is my purpose” and “What the fuck am I doing?”. We all want to make our lives mean something. We all want to have a purpose. But what is that purpose? And how are we supposed to find it when we are working jobs that leave us so burnt out we have no energy at the end of the day to explore our passions?
Why is it so hard to get crystal clear on what we want in life?
I don’t have any definite answers for this but I can take a couple guesses. I for one believe that we as human beings love to over complicate things. Have you ever noticed how many times you say “I want to do (blank), BUT…”. There is always a but. This is where our mind starts to slowly talk us out of what we truly want and so before we can even pursue something new, we already have a list of ten million reasons why we should not.
Another reason we have no idea what we want is because the world is pulling us in a million different directions and trying to tell us what success looks like or what we have to do to be happy. All that is bullshit and someone else’s definition of happy. But we eat up social media thinking that if our lives don’t look exactly like influencer Sally over there, we aren’t going to be happy. Comparison is truly the thief of joy.
There are probably a million other reason why it is so hard to get clear on what we want out of life but instead of trying to figure them all out, let’s talk how to get clear instead.
How to Get Clear on What You Want in Life
Below I want to give you some tangible ways to help you focus on what you truly want in life. I hope these help!
What do you want in your life?
I know this seems kind of like “well if I knew that I wouldn’t be reading this” but have you ever really sat down and really thought about what you want? Even if it is just one thing. One small little change that you would like to see in your life? Sometimes when we find small changes we would like to make, big changes can occur.
Also, look for the things that feel good in your life. Did you get to actually be the one to pick your child up from school and you loved it? If so, try to make that a reality. Did you start a new hobby with one of your friends and you hated it? Quit that shit immediately! Start following what makes you happy and what feels good in your life.
I would recommend making a list of the thing in your life that bring you joy and the things in life that cause you pain. Please don’t write down things like “doing the dishes every day causes me pain” unless it in fact causes you that much pain. The things that bring you joy should outweigh the things that cause you pain. This is where you need to tweak and change your life so that the joy outshines in your life.
Quit thinking your dreams are too big
Have you ever had an idea you are super pumped about, only to tell your friends or family and they shut it down instantly? Well I am here to tell you to quit listening to them! Most the time when people shut down your dreams it’s not because they don’t’ believe you can do it, it’s that they are scared for you and trying to protect you. I know this isn’t how it makes you feel.
Quit letting people define your goals as “too big”. I think if the pandemic has taught us anything, it’s that people are creative and there are a lot of ways to make your life meaningful. And remember, your dreams do not need to make sense to anyone but yourself. And they will never mean more to someone else than you.
If you have big goals and you are scared of what people might think or say, do it quietly at first. Work on your dreams quietly and then announce it when you are already invested. People will be less likely to criticize the more you seem invested into your dream. And I think you will find that most people will be supportive!
Journal Entry: Your perfect day
I have spoken about this journal entry before in some other blog posts and I will never stop talking about it. You can check out the other posts here and here! This is my all time favorite journal entry and I use it way more than any other. Not only does it help me visualize what I want, but it also helps me see where my priorities lie.
Here is a run down of the journal entry. Write down in as much detail as possible what your perfect day looks like. I want you to ignore all restrictions or limitations and simply write whatever comes to mind. Then I want you to leave it. I want you to think about this for the next couple of days and edit your perfect day however you see fit. I actually like to rewrite my perfect day a couple days in a row. It tends to vary slightly, but the items I have repeated, I know are important to me.
Then I want you to really think about: What are the main items you can pull from this list? Are you living where you are living now? Do you work? Are there hobbies you are partaking in daily? Are you living alone? What details about your perfect day excite you the most?
From here you can compare what you want to how you are living now. You will be able to see the gaps between where you want to be and where you are. Don’t get discouraged by this gap, simply use it as motivation to bridge that gap.
Also, if you are looking for some cute journals to do all this journaling, check out he journals that I designed here!
Journal Prompt: Five Years to Live
I know we have all heard this one before. What would you be doing if you knew you only had five years to live? What would be on your list of things you want to do before your time is up? Are there things you would change, or would everything stay the same?
My guess is that if you have five years to live, there are some things you would want to do or accomplish before that time is up. Start doing these things now! Don’t wait for the perfect time because news flash, there is no perfect time! If you are feeling like you don’t know what you want in this world, chances are you’re not doing enough of what you love. Don’t know what you love to do? Brings me right into my next point….
Start Doing Things!
Seriously just start doing things. If things sound fun or interesting, do them! You never know where a hobby could lead to or what it could turn into. But you’ll never know unless you try new things. Take that list you made earlier and schedule those things into your calendar.
You literally never know where a new experience is going to take you. That’s why it is best to have as many as you can! Don’t be afraid to take on new things alone either. Then you gain new experiences and meet new people!
Ground Yourself
For me this one is huge! Grounding yourself is literally connecting your flesh to nature. I know it might sound weird to some but nature is truly healing. It brings us back to our center and helps us focus on what is important to us. I know when I am stressed or overwhelmed my husband always takes me to the mountains to bring me back down to earth.
The mountains are not the only way to ground yourself. You can literally walk into your back yard or to a patch of grass, slip your shoes off and stand barefoot on the grass. I promise if you try this, it’ll really help!
Things to Remember
When you are trying to figure out what you want, I want you to remember these things:
Your purpose does not have to be your job
I know a lot of people think to make a difference in this world we have to have jobs that change the world. This is absolutely not true. I for one know that I was not put on this earth exclusively to help corporations do their tax returns.
You don’t need a defined purpose
I know this seems like the opposite of what this whole blog post is about but…
You are a human being on earth. You don’t have to have a defined purpose or a design to your life even. Your purpose can be to simply live and be. So if you are feeling happy and content in your life, don’t create an issue thinking that you need a gigantic purpose or your life will mean nothing. Your life means something simply because you are alive.
Very few people have a clearly defined purpose in their lives.
Don’t be worried if your purpose changes
People change and they grow, so why wouldn’t your purpose grow as well? Don’t be afraid if the things we want today are not the things we want in ten years. Also, don’t be afraid if you feel like you are being called to a new life. People have started over at 50, 60, 70 and made different lives for themselves. We never stop growing, so don’t think your purpose will stay the same either.
I hope this was super helpful and I hope the suggestions above help you get clear on what you want in life!